Happy Birthday to Me!

This is the last 40 minutes of my 30's.

I swore 10 years ago I'd make some big changes in my life.

Here I sit realizing that another 10 years has gone by and I'm still fat, still a lousy housekeeper, and still a headstrong, opinionated bitch...but...I'm also still married to my high school sweetheart, have successful and happy kids, and still try really hard to always put my family first above all things material or otherwise.

The biggest lesson I've learned this past decade is that I can and will make personal sacrifices for the happiness and success of my children and our family as a whole. I'll have "me" time again...someday way down the road...right now, it's about our family and our kids. I can sacrifice and I'm pretty dang proud of myself for that. I see parents on a daily basis who seem to forget the world stopped revolving around them the second they found out they were pregnant. It makes me profoundly sad to witness such selfishness. I would give up the world for my kids.

I don't need new diamonds, new cars, new anything to help me see clearly that I am truly blessed with the life we have made for ourselves through sacrifice, determination, commitment, education, positive attitude and sheer dumb luck that some things just fell in to place as we had hoped.

"What do you want for your birthday?" Matthew asks every year...all I can answer is time. For I will be married to my husband for 40+ more years...I need more time with my kids, my family as a whole. 18 years blinked by and suddenly Taylor is 1200 miles away at college. I wanted more time.

I know that the next 40 years are going to just keep getting better. Family is, after all, what this life is about.

I need to value what I have today, live for today, and be grateful that I get to have a tomorrow. My goals for the next decade won't be "fit in my size 8 Guess jeans from high school" anymore, it will be...play a game with the family at least once a week. Sit at the table for dinner with everyone at least 3 nights a week. Stop and watch when Matthew wants to show me a magic trick or tell me a joke and listen with my eyes. Take a great family vacation at least once very year. Make sure my kids know as they grow that I am their biggest fan, every day. Forever.

This is my birthday swan song...40...here I come!

I am a wife. I am a mom. I am a housekeeepr, a cook, a laundress. I am a picker-upper and put-awayer. I am a disciplinarian. I am the bad-guy. I am the shoulder to cry on. I am a secret-keeper. I apparently have a plate the size of the Pacific Ocean and shoulders as strong as Atlas. I am the one that expects too much. I am far from perfect. I am fat. I am human. I am tired. I am a teacher. I am a paper-pusher. I am a frazzled self-employed "Joe-The-Plumber". I am an administrator. I am overworked. I am underpaid. I am a lot of things, but for the next week and a half...I am on vacation.

Life Moves Pretty Fast...I'm Trying to Keep Up!

2010 is the year for changes. Big Changes. When I say big, I mean big! My oldest daughter, Taylor, leaves for college this week. Mackenzie, she started her Junior year in High School last week and is already talking about Prom and is so busy with activities that she is gone more than she is home. Matthew, he started Middle School today. There are other big changes coming over the coming months and I am learning to embrace the change.

We went to the top of Pikes Peak on Saturday. To enjoy the view, time with our family, time to oooo and ahhhh over the view and to be reminded that we are all tiny specs.

As we drove up there, we talked, we laughed, and occasionally I'd tear up and have to look out the window as I realized, then like no other time, that everything truly is changing. While your family is always your family, your home is always your home, Taylor is moving out, moving 3 states away, starting her own life. Yes, she will come home for breaks and holiday's, but that isn't the same. Our family, as we are this instant, will never be the same. And today, I'm trying to get at peace with it.

I know I'm not the first person in history to have life sneak up on them and watch as her kids are suddenly adults. I forgot to stop blinking, I guess. I wonder how Taylor will remember the last 18 years, and hope I did my job as a mom instilling work ethic, values and a guiding compass...I know I haven't been a perfect mom, but I've done the best I could without an instruction manual, I mean let's be honest, no one every reads the manual anyway!

One of my favorite movie quotes is from the movie "Parenthood"...

[Gil has been complaining about his complicated life; Grandma wanders into the room]
Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

Everything is changing, hold on.